Ike's Leg Replacement

Ike's Leg Replacement

     *Standard Random Intro…*

     Once upon a time, before your attack… oh wait. I've been using too many Poke Powers. So anyways, there once was a character named Ike, who killed hundreds of people in New Orleans, or somewhere around there. I dunno. So anyways, Ike was a Fire Emblem character, like Marth, who was in a game that nobody buys. Also, he is in a game SSBB. In the game, however, he cannot run very fast. In fact, his running speed is the same as Marth's walking speed. How? I remember it like it was yesterday…

     One day, Ike was listening to Justin B-, uhh, Linkin Park, and was at work, at "The SPARTA!" when he heard a cry from Obama. Ike went over to examine the scene, but just as he arrived there, Chuck Norris came out and killed Obama. How had Obama gotten there? Simple: he told his kids that Chuck was a Republican and not a Demmy. See Liberals? We have Chuck Norris. We can't lose! So anyways, Ike went on with his normal day, and was serving Stephen Silvestro at a booth.

     "May I take your order?"

     "No."

     …

     …

     …

     "Kay."

     …

     …

     …

     "Anything else sir?"

     "I'm hosting SNL."

     "Kay…"

     So, then @ Ike's lunch break, he decided to go to Snake's Potato Chip Factory. For those of you who read Snake's Potato Chips, then you know what I mean. If you haven't read it, just go hack into my computer and read it. So, Ike asked Snake for a bag of Potato Chips. Snake said that will be 5 Rupee. Ike actually HAD 5 Rupee, unlike Snake. 1 less Morshu in this world thanks to you, Snake. *sniff*. While Ike was eating, 3 men approached him. The first was Major Benson Winifred Payne. That was actually a good movie, lol. Did u see that blind dude w/ the gun? LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! The other two people were *insert random celebrity here* and *insert random Star Fox character here*. Fill in the blanks, kids! Regardless, Ike went with them to that place in the Dell Production center. Y'know, the one in the commercial where they start singing the "Lollypop" song? Well, Ike went there, and was told he had to spray the paint on the Dells. If he did that for four years, he could assassinate Bill Gates. But, as Ike was trying to get up to the spray thingies, Ike fell off, and hit his leg on a C-C-C-C-Combo Breaker!!!

     Ike awoke with a woman saying that he was going to be OK. Then, the following happened:

     "Katelyn.. Katelyn! I can't feel my legs!"

     "Ike… you don't got any legs!!!"

     Ike then had an emotional breakdown. But, everybody has those. Like this one time, I battled this noob who thought he was good @ SSB64, and I 5 stocked him. His face was, like… OK, whatever. Next, Ike was rolled into a strange Japanese production company, and a man, named Sakurai, spoke with him.

     "So, like, Ike; Oh hey!!! That, like, rhymed! Omg, like, wow! So, like, anyways, I like, want you to be in a game I'm, like, making. Don't, like, worry, I won't, like, change your gender or anything…"

     "Um, HELLO! I HAVE NO LEGS!!!"

     "Oh, the, like, miracles of Plastic Surgery!"

     "The Japanese get Plastic Surgery!?!?!"

     And on went the random discussion. Eventually Ike was put into SSBB, seeing as how it was pushed back for 2 years. But, Ike faced a problem in SSBB; and that was that, even with Lieutenant Dan legs, he was still slow. He decided to take the matter up with Marth.

     "Hey girl, how's it-"

     "SHUT UP!!! I AM NOT A FREAKING GIRL!!! IT'S JUST A TIARA!!!"

     "Oh. Well hey, I run as fast as you walk. Now, I know that's funny, but srsly. How do I become faster?"

     "Pfft, silly Ike. You don't need to be fast. You just need to spam Up-B and Forward Smash."

     "Ohh…"

     And so, another was given the stupidly cheap seal. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a limousine with Kate Gosseline as the drive burst out from the street and was heading straight for Ike. She was screaming at the top of her lungs: "What did you do with my 14th baby!?!?". Apparently, if she had 14 kids, then that whole J&K+8 wouldn't rhyme NEmore, so it would be shut down NEways. Ike thought of what to do, and then realized; Aether! He threw up his sword and it came down and struck the Limo. At about this time a crowd gathered, for obvious reasons. Ike then did his Forward Smash and knocked out the main engine of the car. Kate got out and pulled out a Rocket Propelled Grenade Launcher. Wait, Holy… who gives a single mom w/ 8 kids one of those?

     Ike thought of what to do, and then remembered; Potato Chips! So, he got one from his pocket (?) and tossed it at Kate. She was all like, "Ooh, a chip!" But then an ant got on it.

     "*Scream* OMGGGGGZZZZ!!! An ant! I'll show you!"

     And… there went the strongest hold able projectile in the world. Kate was hospitalized, and her children were put in the custody of Tiger Woods. Same difference, right? Right? Right? So then, Ike was liked. Yes Sakurai that rhymed. If you're happy, I'm happy.

     Today, Ike currently is still slow. And then, all t3h noobs R liek, "I like power>speed" and then I pwn some noobs with Marth. Oh well. Maybe they'll learn someday.